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A Look Inside the Story
“Steve…just stop it, dammit…,” Nadia screamed with exasperation. Spittle flew from her lips as she asked her husband, “Is this really what you want? You want to see another man touching me; fucking me?”
Steve knew he’d pushed too far, again. He lowered his head and leaned that special way he’d learned could convince his wife he was truly sorry and repentant. However, this time, his gesture was in vain, Nadia had already turned away from him and was heading towards the kitchen. Frowning, he debated on the wisdom of following her.
Those times before, when he’d finally pushed her over the edge on the swinging shit, he’d manage to calm her down with his rationalizations. This time, he wasn’t as confident in his ability to manipulate her. Her question about him wanting her to fuck other men raised the issue into another level.
If he was honest with himself, he had no idea if it was what he wanted. The idea of seeing her screwing someone turned him on, and the made-in-private home movies they’d made a couple of times only pushed his imagination further. The images in his head, as he lay next to her in bed at night and during those solitary moments, driving back and forth to work actually gave him erections.
Steve was well aware he was living in a fantasy of contradictions. He loved his wife and of course, he was certain that he was just as jealous as the next fella might be. The last thing he wanted was for Nadia to develop some degree of affection for some bastard and leave him. He was certain that would never happen. After all, he rationalized, how could that possibly happen?
For Steve, it was easy, obvious in fact, to separate raw meaningless sex from emotional attachments. He certainly didn’t have a problem with it, although he’d been careful to keep his extracurricular activities hidden thus far. What the hell difference did it make who your partner was? In his mind, it was little more than assisted masturbation. It feels good, it’s exciting, but he just wished he didn’t have to deal with those occasional times when he felt the guilt. Twice, he’d been on the verge of a confession to her, but that was the last thing he knew he should ever do.
He wasn’t stupid, he knew that women saw things differently, but he also felt that those biological drivers were controllable regardless of whether you were a man or a woman. He was convinced, primitive biological urges might have been necessary when survival of the species was at stake every day, but in a modern society – it could be simply something you did for fun occasionally. If only he could get that across to Nadia.
He’d finally reached an understanding about his latest fetish, having what the dictionary defined as an epiphany, he supposed. If Nadia fucked other people, he wouldn’t feel guilty about trying to nail anything wearing panties when he was out of town on company business.
Not that those are the only times, he admitted to himself.
It was just easier when some hottie in the hotel club flashed her eyes at you and your motel room was just an elevator away - and Nadia hundreds of miles away.
Lately, he’d given a lot of thought to seeing how far he could get with one of his co-workers. Lidia definitely gave off hints, he felt, and not just towards him. He was convinced the boss was nailing her. So far, he’d stopped short of taking the next step of asking her to meet him for a drink after work.
What if she told Stan? Messing with his stuff, that could get me fired!
Any involvement with the bosses’ toy wasn’t on his To-Do list anytime soon. Still, it would be great to have something nearby. He wasn’t he could ever line anyone up local who would be willing to let him drop by for a half-hour quickie on the way home from work.
There were other reasons deterring him away from someone local. A meet and fuck was uncomplicated. An ongoing thing was a relationship and relationships involve feelings, especially for a woman. Moreover, once you’ve had your cock inside someone, most of the excitement and curiosity was gone. At least that’s how Steve felt.
Nevertheless, whenever he felt the urge to get his nuts off outside of his marital relations with Nadia, his mind fantasized over the local friend-with-benefits idea. That often served as the catalyst to bring up the subject at home, even when he knew better. That corner of his mind was certain, if he had easy access to local pussy on the side, he might push Nadia a lot less on the swinger subject. He might even drop the idea entirely.
This frustration sucks!
He knew it was getting worse too, as he followed her into the kitchen. He felt compelled to assure her that he wouldn’t bring up the subject again, although it was his way of bringing up the subject again.
“I’m sorry, Baby… of course I don’t want another man touching you. I mean; I guess I have some kind of wall between the idea of it and it really happening. It’s the… I don’t know, just the exoticness of it… and, and you said that yourself.”
Nadia stopped moving clean dishes from the dishwasher to the cabinet. She had to hold her tongue until she knew what she was going to say. Her first though came out nonetheless.
“And you won’t ever let me forget it, will you?”